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Want to learn about naked yoga? How to navigate an NYC sex party? Other sex and dating things?

Remember Saturday, April 18th? Sure you.

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But in reality And amplified. To an extraordinary level.

Ahh, New York. I made my way to 8th Ave between 43rd and 44th to the Playpen, a sex store-meets-entertainment house wife swapping bc.

Swinging. shares live sex peep block with a Harlem Spiritual tour company and a Starbucks. Past the first xex array of condoms, tassels, and sex toys du jour, I made my way to the back of the store to an elderly gentleman guarding the staircase to live sex peep upstairs den of depravity.

At the top of the steps sat three, full-figured live sex peep chattering away in epep voices, their pink, fish-net outfits leaving little to the imagination Ebony liked me from the very beginning and beckoned me toward. Not one to be rude and quite honestly plain terrifiedI accepted.

Ebony live sex peep peeking into the six private booths to find one that was "clean. When she found one that suited her, she sat me down on the questionable chair and went around to the other peep of the plexiglass window.

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This all liev have been well and good if not for the fact that Ebony was about 18in from my face and kept saying my name live sex peep and over again while she rubbed various parts of her body.

She could very clearly see my expression, which I hoped looked turned on but could probably be more accurately described as hopelessly awkward and uncomfortable.

I told her I thought it looked very nice. There may have also been live sex peep thumbs up involved. As the final fanfare died down, I felt a wave of relief.

It was almost.

She got me. She never liked my thighs.

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I was just a dollar sign, no better than all the other chumps who have wandered into live sex peep rooms looking for a little validation and a couple minutes of attention from a naked stranger. Times Square 1, Meagan 0. I think sez will probably end my career as a Times Square peeper.

At the very least it was a lesson in the history of our great city and a cautionary tale about what pee when you decide to opt out of bottomless live sex peep on the first beautiful Saturday in New York. It will never happen.

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Meagan Drillinger is a freelance writer for Thrillist. Follow her on FacebookInstagram and Twitter at drillinjourneys.

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